Opinion

Let love, not fear, drive your response

Ruth Lilley reflects on a recent conversation with her daughter, and ponders how she could have responded differently to the situation that had arisen.

Recently, It felt as though I had completely failed as a parent. It began with a proud mum moment as an opportunity presented itself for my teenage daughter. I shared my ‘proudness’ as I try to regularly do and felt very excited on her behalf. A couple of days later, she shared some other news with me and with that came the ‘fail’!
 
I reacted rather than responded. It was a perfect moment to encourage and instead I let my opinions get in the way. My instant reaction caused hurt, so it was important that I took time to repair. Fortunately, my daughter was very gracious and accepted my apology and the explanation of why I had reacted.
 
I find it quite amazing that one small moment can provide many opportunities for change and growth. In that moment I was trying to write the narrative for my daughter rather than allowing her to tread her own steps. Also, I demonstrated that reaction over response is not helpful. The moment happened and because of that moment I needed to consider reflection, curiosity, love, grace, forgiveness and humility.
 
Would I have given those things any consideration if I was not intentional about walking with Jesus and allowing in the presence and the strength of the Holy Spirit? Initially, I did not consider them because I was focused on myself and my wants.
 
Yet, in Jesus there is freedom to not go with the moment and instead choose to pause and refocus. With such gentleness, Jesus is waiting for me to turn back to Him. When reflecting on the moment where I failed, I believe that fear was most definitely the biggest motivator in my reaction.
 
But, if I look to the Bible, I read: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” 1 John 4:18 (NIV)

The more I fill up on love, there is less room for fear. So, in turn, do responses replace reactions because I know I am covered in love? The more I fill up on God’s love, the more certain I am of that love and the more able I am to share it. Allowing love to grow so it replaces fear seems a worthwhile journey to embark upon.
 
Today I choose love.

Ruth Lilley teaches at an infant school in Norwich. She also enjoys writing, and writes a regular blog called ‘With Every Sun Comes A New Day.’

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