Opinion
When helpful feedback becomes damning criticism
Jane Walters suggests we check our motives when we feel the need to find fault, and urges us to make sure our criticisms are constructive and helpful.
In the course of my work as a writer, I offer editing services. Although they encompass a broad range of aspects, the one that most people have in mind is proof-reading. Can I look for – pretty please – the missing commas, the typos, the repeated words? The answer is, yes, I can. My eagle eyes can spot one of those things at 100 paces. (Actually, it’s an affliction a lot of the time. Sometimes I just want to enjoy reading without feeling I need to keep red-penning the book or correcting an information sign…)
However, there’s a big difference between being keen-eyed and being critical. Sadly, one of my writing colleagues couldn’t distinguish between the two. When an emerging poet bravely shared her writing on a social media page, this lady tore into her in the comments because she had mis-spelled a word. She had failed to see – or take care of – the poet’s heart, so vulnerably expressed. Much as I’d noticed the mistake, my only priority had been to offer encouragement.
Jesus addressed this kind of temptation when he shared the illustration (in Matthew 7:3) of someone pointing out the speck of sawdust in another person’s eye while ignoring the plank of wood in their own. Both the sawdust and the plank are made of the same material. Both parties have wood in their eye. In other words, it’s a reminder that all of us have our imperfections – sometimes even the same ones as each other. None of us is entitled to point the accusing finger when we’re in need of forgiveness ourselves.
Now, obviously, there are times when it is kind and loving to point out someone’s error. The back of a skirt tucked into knickers, using a swear word that you didn’t know was rude, calling someone by the wrong name. But in those instances, you are stepping in to protect the other person from embarrassment and shame. Your thoughts are towards someone else. It’s a loving gesture. However, when we are motivated by the need to point-score or feel superior, it’s a rather different thing.
I’m reminded of the words of the apostle Peter: Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:7). When we are about to open our mouths and wade in, let’s first check: is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it helpful?
And yes, I’m rather nervous there might be a typo in this article…
The image above is courtesy of pixabay.com.
Jane Walters is Chair of the Association of Christian Writers and loves to champion writers of all ages and stages. She leads Green Pastures Christian Writers (currently meeting on Zoom) and creative writing retreats at Quiet Waters. Find out more: www.janewyattwalters.com or @readywritersretreats on Instagram.
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